My Desire for “naughty”

I came to an understanding about myself a few years back, “I think I might be addicted to shame.”

There is a desire for me to do things that make me feel…naughty.   As a practictioner of Dark Eros, when I can practice, I found that this taps into that aspect of myself in a healthy way.   The excitement of walking through the grocery while I feel the sting on my buttocks or see the bruises on my wrist give me a rush.

If I don’t have my healthy outlet….well I tend to be self destructive.   I am blessed to have a few friends who watch over me.  When my emotions are swirling, add alcohol and the desire to do something dangerous, destructive, intense…and it can mean real trouble.   Trust me it has in my past.  Not only did I harm myself, but others. For that reason I work very hard to find healthy outlets and manage these strong desires within myself.

These impulses can be for anything forbidden…food, drugs, partners, BDSM.   It is a part of who I am, it is part of what makes me an Artist, a Healer, a Wytch and a Oracle.

To satiate these hungers is vital to my mental health.

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