Short days, long nights

In these long nights, I have been dreaming so much.   Some of the dreams are enjoyable, traveling with my Heathen Community to gatherings, for example, or horrific nightmares.   The other night, one of the more realistic terrifying nightmares I have ever had came upon me.   I think if was so scary because parts of the dream could and maybe actually going on.   When I was with my former partner, it seemed my nightmares were about romantic things, breaking up, being cheated on ect, but now that I am on my own my dreams have taken on a more word changing flavor.

 

Part of this is that I do not feel safe in my living situation.   Not so much that I feel in danger, but that I would have to protect someone else, or that I would be physically attacked by a young person living in my home and have to defend myself.   I have to lock my room when I leave the house.  Daily I check in with myself, no many times a day, what is me on hyper alert and what is real.   I have a keen sense for these things, I have all of my life, and when the fur on the back of this Wolf’s neck is up, I pay attention.  With that aside.

It is the feeling that the time is “nigh”, and I am here all on my own.  I am an autonomous being, this is true, but I am still human.

The long cold nights alone last year were so much different.  Alone in a yurt, in the woods, with only a radio and a woodstove to keep me company.  This year, I have a home/a residence, a cat, a warm bed, a hot shower.  So the physical surroundings have changed, and so have the internal surroundings.

I have recently gotten my asthma under control after almost a year of living on over the counter meds.  Feeling like a whole new woman and ready to get out and about, but of course another glitch showed up……

 

I consider myself a woman of faith.  A woman in Service to the Gods. That means my life is not always my own.

Moving towards Yule I find joy in making gifts, cooking, wrapping decorating and hosting events.  Though my heart is heavy, I strive to be light in Spirit.

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